I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had to cum in my sink.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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