as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
