halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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