Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
