I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my being single is dangerous.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize