I just pynch a tree in the face
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
be right there i have to get my cape
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
