I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
