if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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