She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
