I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
