You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
