I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
