We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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