he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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