i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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