i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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