all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
