I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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