i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
