ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
