I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
