your thong is hanging out like whoa
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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