It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize