I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
