Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
