If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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