well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
