is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
