So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
