I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When did angry sex become our thing?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
