Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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