Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you would pick up someone in the library
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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