My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
