im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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