Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Watching her eat just hurts me
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
