3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize