Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
