I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize