remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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