"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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