Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize