Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
