Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
