Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
