I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
