So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize