so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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