how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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