You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
