They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
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