I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
