i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
