gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
