Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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