So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
