do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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