Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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