Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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