In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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