I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
