It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
