went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
