Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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