Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
