somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I currently don't understand fingers.
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