This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
