He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
