There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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