Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
