I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
