He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
