My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was confusing and full of hummus
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
