I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
