Where is the hickey?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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