Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
