Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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