happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
