those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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