Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
