Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize