Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
