You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
