She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
