did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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