She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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